About Grateful Life
My beautiful friend Kay threw herself into life like no-one else I know. She was also the most positive person I have ever met. She always saw the best in people and situations. When she was diagnosed with metastases she was knocked off her feet - but not for long. She bounced back with vintage Kay reflections on her life - she had no regrets and was not afraid of death. I was in awe. I was also hurting and didn't want my grieving to get in the way of our precious time together. Kay said she didn't have time to deal with other people's grief. Fair call. But I needed something to help me process what was happening to her. I decided I would do a daily gratitude practice, to give me something to hang on to. Thats how it Grateful Life started.
What Grateful Life has become is a resource honouring Kay. It includes Our Summer of Possibilities - my daily gratitude posts to help me process my grief. It also includes tributes from Kay's family and friends.
What Grateful Life has become is a resource honouring Kay. It includes Our Summer of Possibilities - my daily gratitude posts to help me process my grief. It also includes tributes from Kay's family and friends.
Our Summer of Possibilities
Dear Kay. We talked about your diagnosis and searched for positive things to grab a hold of. It was a sunny day and we said: its getting warmer, it will be summer soon. We talked about the things we could do over the summer. We came up with fabulous ideas. You said: thats possible. I said: our summer of possibilities.
Our Summer of Possibilities became something other than what we had imagined. No summer picnics with friends, no beach parties, art dates or movies under the stars. But we did make beautiful things possible. Gratitude helped me to make some things possible.
The acknowledgement of gratitude happened in October 2018. You popped in after visiting your GP. You had your scan results in your hand. We sat in the garden in the warm sun, drinking herbal tea and reading your results.
Our Summer of Possibilities became something other than what we had imagined. No summer picnics with friends, no beach parties, art dates or movies under the stars. But we did make beautiful things possible. Gratitude helped me to make some things possible.
The acknowledgement of gratitude happened in October 2018. You popped in after visiting your GP. You had your scan results in your hand. We sat in the garden in the warm sun, drinking herbal tea and reading your results.
A turning point - making space for grief
I arrived at our local pool for an early morning swim. As I prepared to jump in, I was hit by a wall of grief. I missed you so acutely it hurt. I got in the pool and swam and cried. It was only after I had done this I realised I needed to make space for my grief. Being grateful does not mean shutting out other emotions - I need to honour them all.
I arrived at our local pool for an early morning swim. As I prepared to jump in, I was hit by a wall of grief. I missed you so acutely it hurt. I got in the pool and swam and cried. It was only after I had done this I realised I needed to make space for my grief. Being grateful does not mean shutting out other emotions - I need to honour them all.
Reflections on comfort
I uploaded the photo stories today from my phone to this page. I just read through them all and I felt comforted. I'm so pleased I have this page. It will give me space to feel what I feel and then be strong when I am with you.
I uploaded the photo stories today from my phone to this page. I just read through them all and I felt comforted. I'm so pleased I have this page. It will give me space to feel what I feel and then be strong when I am with you.
Sunrise
6.20am: Grateful for this photograph of your sunrise, and a call from your partner. Grateful for you my beautiful friend Kay. Don’t get me wrong, I’m also hurting - but I want to write to you to tell you all that I am grateful for. Are you ready?
- #grateful4 you asked me to collect your mail when you went to the Out Games in Montreal. Hooray
- #grateful4 becoming your sporting mate - I loved spinning with you, swimming with you, yoga with you, being coached by you, getting fit with you
- #grateful4 your words of wisdom - you had such capacity to soothe with your incredibly insightful words
- #grateful4 your positivity - you refused to see anything but a silver lining
- #grateful4 your Muriel-esque-ness. “You’re terrible Muriel” sometimes suited your cheekyness so aptly
- #grateful4 your creativity - your ability to make art from pain and loss was inspiring
- #grateful4 your resilience- four lots of breast cancer surgery, then bowel, then your eye. And always “when can I get back in the pool?”
- #grateful4 your capacity for joy - watching your pride in your children Annie, Patrick and Sam (and Megan) especially after those times you’d been playing with your grandchildren Elliot and Holly
- #grateful4 your enlightenment “I’m not frightened of death ... I’ve lived my life, I have no regrets”.
- #grateful4 your strength - you won 7 gold medals and got a world record with bone, liver and lung metastasis
- #grateful4 your forthrightness “I don’t have time for other people’s grief”
- #grateful4 your loving partner Claire - I saw what she did for you, I saw how she loved you, I saw the look of love on her face and I saw you raise a hand and stroke her cheek when you were in so much pain. That’s real love
- #grateful4 our walks on the beach smelling the sea air and listening to you reflect on life highlights - talking a million words to the minute
- #grateful4 your puppy tips
- #grateful4 Saturday mornings at the farmers market drinking chai and reflecting on the world
- #grateful4 our photo date - pushing your chair along the marina marvelling at and photographing every beautiful little thing
- #grateful4 that time we wheeled you into the pool and grateful for the look on your face when you realised you were going to float out of the chair
- #grateful4 the opportunity to watch you float in the pool - moments blissed out and free of pain
- #grateful4 the times I got to lie on the bed next to you and hold your hand and we did a guided meditation together
- #grateful4 the opportunity to say ‘you know I love you - don’t you’ and to see your face light up and then to have you hold my hand to your cheek and say ‘yes’
- #grateful4 your friends who were at the ready to do anything you needed them to do
- #grateful4 our friends whose support has not only got me through, but helped me to feel more hopeful for the world
- #grateful4 your partner and children and how they worked together to give you what you needed - this pressure too often breaks people and family ties
- #grateful4 a month ... it felt too short ... but still it gave us time to say what needed to be said
- #grateful4 our friends - our prayers answered
- #grateful4 the opportunity to be with you when it was tough for you
- #grateful4 the opportunity to see you at peace
- #grateful4 the connection that will always be here with your partner, your family, this suburb, our pool, our friends and art ...
- #grateful4 The Float, with your partner and family and your swim club friends in our local pool - it’s an image etched into my heart
- #grateful4 knowing we gave you everything we could possibly give you and you gave us everything you had - no regrets
- #grateful4 you. I can’t bear to think beyond today - living without you. But I have this moment... right now - and for that I am truly grateful.
Continuing on
I decide I have to continue. Gratitude feels like something to grab a hold of. I will keep it going till it stops being useful or I no longer need it.
I decide I have to continue. Gratitude feels like something to grab a hold of. I will keep it going till it stops being useful or I no longer need it.
Gratitude for Kay
At a celebration of Kay's life in November, family and friends were invited to share their gratitude for Kay ... images and messages will be uploaded to this section on the page.
More information
If you would like more information about Grateful Life, or would like to share gratitude for Kay, please contact Catherine Barrett 0429 582 237 or email: [email protected]